The phone call comes unexpectedly, or perhaps you’ve watched the situation building for months – your veteran spouse is going to prison. In that moment, a thousand questions flood your mind: “How do I explain this to the children? Will we lose our home? What will people think?”
The reality is, supporting veterans extends beyond the individual to encompass their entire family.
Spouses of imprisoned veterans demonstrate remarkable strength daily, yet they often lack access to the resources, help, and understanding that their situation demands.
Family support is essential to the successful reintegration and long-term recovery of the veterans we work with, and this can only be possible if each member of the family can access the help that they might need in these situations.
This blog explores the specific challenges faced by military spouses whose veteran partners are in the justice system while offering practical guidance on building resilience, accessing support, and finding solidarity within the military community.
Most importantly, we want you to know that you’re not alone in this journey.
Understanding the Challenges
Living with a spouse in prison creates a web of challenges that affect every aspect of daily life.
The emotional toll alone can be overwhelming, as spouses navigate grief for the person their partner used to be, guilt about their inability to prevent the situation, and anxiety about an uncertain future.
Some describe feeling as though they’re living in limbo, neither truly single nor in a functioning partnership. This emotional state can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness that are compounded by the constant worry about their partner’s safety and wellbeing behind bars.
The stigma surrounding imprisonment often makes these emotional challenges even more difficult to bear. Military spouses may feel shame or embarrassment about their situation, leading them to withdraw from the social connections and support networks they desperately need.
Financial strain adds another layer of complexity to an already difficult situation.
Many spouses find themselves solely responsible for household expenses, childcare costs, and maintaining the family home on a drastically reduced income.
Finding Strength: Building Resilience and Emotional Support
Building emotional resilience during this challenging time requires intentional effort and self-compassion.
Military spouses can develop coping strategies that help them navigate the daily challenges while maintaining their mental health and wellbeing.
Establishing routine and structure provides stability during uncertain times. Creating daily schedules that include self-care activities, exercise, and meaningful work or volunteer activities can help maintain a sense of purpose and control.
Practising mindfulness and stress reduction techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga can help manage anxiety and emotional overwhelm. Maintaining physical fitness routines provides both stress relief and builds emotional strength.
Setting realistic expectations is crucial for emotional wellbeing. Recovery and reintegration take time, and progress may not always be linear. Accepting that some days will be more difficult than others can help prevent feelings of failure or hopelessness.
Maintaining a connection with your partner in prison in healthy ways supports both partners’ emotional needs. Regular communication, when possible, helps maintain the relationship while respecting regulations and your own emotional boundaries.
Counselling and Therapy
Professional mental health support can be invaluable for spouses navigating the challenges of having a partner in prison. Therapy provides a safe, non-judgemental space to process emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.
Individual therapy can help spouses work through feelings of grief, anger, guilt, and anxiety. Therapists experienced in military culture and justice issues can provide specialised understanding.
Family therapy may be beneficial when children are involved, helping families communicate openly about their situation and develop strategies for maintaining healthy relationships despite physical separation.
Many areas offer sliding-scale fees or free counselling services for military families facing financial hardship.
Finding Solidarity
Building a strong support network requires courage and intentional effort, but the benefits are immeasurable. The power of reaching out to others who may be facing similar challenges should never be underestimated.
Identifying trusted individuals within your existing network who can provide emotional support without judgement is a good first step. This might include family members, close friends, or military spouses who have demonstrated understanding and compassion.
Building new connections through support groups, community organisations, or volunteer activities can expand your network beyond existing relationships. These new connections often provide fresh perspectives and different types of support.
Practical Support and Resources for Military Spouses
Military spouses facing financial hardship due to a partner’s incarceration have several potential sources of assistance, though navigating these resources can be complex and overwhelming.
Military charities including SSAFA (the Armed Forces charity), The Royal British Legion, ABF The Soldiers’ Charity, and the Army Benevolent Fund may provide emergency financial assistance to eligible military families.
Service-specific charities such as Help for Heroes, Combat Stress, and Veterans UK often have emergency assistance funds for veteran families facing crises. Many also provide ongoing support services tailored to the specific needs of military families.
Employment support programmes specifically for military spouses, such as those offered through the Forces Employment Charity, can help develop job skills and find employment opportunities that accommodate the unique challenges of supporting a spouse in the justice system.
Care After Combat’s Role in Supporting Families
We understand that military spouses and families play a massive part in the recovery and rehabilitation process, and their wellbeing directly impacts the success of veteran reintegration efforts.
Our family support services include connecting military spouses with appropriate resources, providing information about the justice system, and offering emotional support during difficult times.
Our team understands both military culture and the challenges of justice system involvement, allowing us to provide specialised assistance that addresses the unique intersection of these experiences.
Moving Forward with Hope
The journey of supporting a veteran spouse through the justice system and reintegration is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s important to remember that this chapter does not define your family’s entire story.
Recovery and reintegration take time, and progress may not always be linear. There will be difficult days, setbacks, and moments of doubt. However, with appropriate support, resources, and connections to others who understand your experience, it’s possible to not only survive but to build resilience and hope for the future.
The military community has always been characterised by mutual support and shared strength, and this tradition of solidarity becomes even more important when facing challenges that others may not understand.
Setting realistic expectations is crucial for maintaining hope during this process. Recovery involves addressing underlying issues that may have contributed to justice involvement, including trauma, mental health challenges, or substance abuse. This work takes time and requires patience from all family members.
Celebrating small victories and progress, even when setbacks occur, helps maintain motivation and hope for everyone involved.
Maintaining a connection with your partner in prison in healthy ways supports both partners’ emotional needs and relationship health. Regular communication, when possible and appropriate, helps preserve the relationship while respecting prison regulations and your own emotional boundaries.
Taking Action and Finding Support
If you’re supporting a veteran partner through involvement in the justice system, remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness.
Professional counselling, peer support, and practical assistance with financial, legal, and childcare needs are all valid and important forms of support that can make a significant difference in your family’s wellbeing.
Your strength, dedication, and love make a difference in your veteran spouse’s recovery and in the wellbeing of your entire family. We understand the complexity of these situations and approach each family with compassion, respect, and recognition of the unique challenges you face.
Your resilience inspires us every day, and together, we can ensure that no military family faces these challenges alone. Through understanding, support, and solidarity, we can build stronger families and communities that understand the service and sacrifice of all our veterans while providing the compassion and assistance needed for healing and recovery.